Friday, November 11, 2011

Still Alive/A Day in the Life/How I do it

Something is terribly wrong when you open your Google reader and find over 100 (gulp) unread posts.

For real? I only follow like 14 blogs? Anyway, here is a post for you, since I am still alive and kickin' it.

I actually started by trying to do a Day in the Life post. You know a nice little chronicle about what I do on a daily basis? I ended up boring myself. I’ll break it down for you in a few sentences:

I wake up at 5:00, leave for work around 6:00; Study for an hour at work; work for 8 hours; study for 2 hours at Starbucks (twice a week); see my kids for 1.5 hours; put them to bed; prep things for the next day; go to bed.

Yawn. Boring. Yes, it sort of sucks, and yes I miss my kids, and yes, I miss sitting and doing nothing.

This whole “work-life balance” idea, the “make it happen” mentality. I swear it doesn’t really exist, but the fact that it doesn’t exist doesn’t stop me from trying to achieve that pot of gold. I get up every day at 5:00 a.m., and on a typical day I move for 16+ hours straight-- kids, studying, work, meetings, commuting, laundry, dinner, cleaning, baths, stories, bedtime…trust me, I feel the pull.

No, I’m not superwoman. I barely feel adequate on most days.

There are always those work to do items that get left to the way side-- floors, clothes, and dishes that, for some reason, fail to clean themselves. Laundry that has been sitting in a laundry basket, waiting to be put away, for weeks... As a list maker, and a Type-A to the core, there are tasks that never get that satisfying check mark in my planner. There is always the guilt that I’m not doing enough, or not being there enough for my kids, husband, family, or friends, when the truth is, I’m doing everything I can.

And you know what, most days I don’t care. That's right. I DON'T CARE.

I give myself permission to just Give it Up.

I like being busy, I love chaos, but at the end of the day, life is still reality. I’m not going to get everything done, and certainly not perfectly. I am going to run out of time, and miss-prioritize. Some days studying gets ahead of the kids, or the kids take precedence over studying. I must give myself permission to quit stressing over the dirty dinner dishes and stop to read my kids a story. I must quit stressing over the next chapter to study, and sit and talk with my husband. I must stop feeling like I am being a bad friend when I say “I can’t come, I have to study.” I can’t do it all, but I can do some of it.

Tomorrow really is another day. Another day to study, answer emails, spend time with people I love. Another day to reign in that ridiculous to-do list. I’ll be the first to admit that some days I am really good at this and some days I fail miserably. Who among us hasn’t gotten up at 4:00 am to get something done or who hasn’t felt like a rotten mother for snapping at our kids, when we are really stressing about something else. But tomorrow gives us another chance. Another opportunity to be the best, wife, mom, friend, colleague, and person that I can be.

That’s how I do it. How do you?

No comments: