i was in the elevator coming in from running today and i was riding up with an older gentleman. i am not a typical 'elevator small talk' person. i never feel the need to start a conversation with the random stranger riding up next to me, but if they do...then i'll talk. this guy seemed uncomfortable so was waiting for the question... "How old is your baby?" hit the nail right on the head, this is the question i was waiting for!
so i thought i'd list the questions you receive from every.single.person. that you come in contact with, at various stages in life...
Upon Graduation from high school
1) Are you going to college? If you answer this with a 'yes' then proceed to the next question. If a 'no' then stand there and watch them stutter uncomfortably while they are thinking you may never amount to anything without college...
2) What is your major? keep in mind many, MANY high school seniors have not thought twice about their major. "oh YOU'RE majoring in 'Early Childhood Development?' that sounds fun! I'll do that too" Typically it is by the time their junior year roles around they realize they should NOT have picked their particular major, just because their BFF did.
Upon Graduation from College
1) Do you have a job lined up? by this time most individuals realize that they will be on.their.own. very soon. So some sort of income is expected, bills don't pay themselves. Some get jobs as analysts for major corporations, and realize that just because they owe $52,000 in school loans, "it was totally worth it." They get to travel for work, and earn enough that they can afford a mortgage on a 'loft' downtown. Others hold 2 PT jobs (lthink, Starbucks and Trader Joes), wondering why they paid so much money for a degree they may never use. Should have just gone to tech school...or maybe just go back to school so they can get a job doing what they really want to do.
When you get engaged
1) Can I see the ring this is a MAJOR question in any young woman's life and by golly give her something to be proud of. If 'the rock' looks large enough it will immediately be followed by the question "how big?"
2) When's the 'Big Day'? people always refer to it as 'the big day' which drove me nuts. Rarely did anyone say..."so, when's the wedding date?" I guess it doesn't sound as free?
3) Where are you going on your honeymoon? Hopefully its someplace good because if you say 'camping' like me (yes, we really went camping), you'll get that deer in the headlights look. If you say Aruba, you will get much more respect, but then you must be willing to hear where THEY went on their honeymoon, because you can bet your bottom dollar it was just so amazing! consider yourself warned.
When you get pregnant
1) How are you feeling? No joke, #1 question for pregnant woman. Practice now, if you aren't pregnant: "Good" "Fine" "Happy" Just never, EVER say anything like "oh, i'm really getting nervous" because then you get to hear their store of how there is NOTHING to be nervous about, and its such a special time, and oh, don't be nervous, be excited!!! okay, i'm having a baby, i've wanted to have a baby since i was 8, i think i am excited thankyouverymuch.
2) When are you due? Once you answer this will either be followed with Response A: Oh you look so small! (which makes you feel like something is WRONG with your baby like they aren't growing or something) or Response B: Really? you look like you could pop anyday now! (which makes you feel like a bigger elephant that you already feel like). I received response A, I have friends who were given B. Neither is cool. Next time you ask say "you look GREAT, you're glowing!" THAT'S WHAT SHE WANTS TO HEAR.
3) It is a boy or a girl? They make those shirts that say 'Think Pink' or "Bundle of Boy" buy one. wear it every day. that way you don't have to answer this question or think about what to wear. If you don't find out the sex people will say 'that is so exciting! what a fun surprise' if you do know the sex they will say 'oh, that is great you are having a boy/girl! Isn't it great that you know so you can be prepared?'
Once your baby is here.
1) How old is your baby? yep there is that question i mentioned earlier! You can say things like 4 months and people will say 'Wow she is big/small for 4 months" I kid you not when we were buying a new car in april the car sales person asked if Lacey was 2 WEEKS OLD. umm, NO. she is almost 7 months old! why would i be car shopping with a 2 week old (i would be at home...trying to sleep) and since when do you hold a 2 week old on your hip? His response...'oh mine is 11 now, i forget how small they are' Fine, but i still don't know when you have seen an 18 pound newborn.
2) Are they sleeping through the night yet? I truly hope that you have a good sleeper because some moms will instill a wrath upon you if you have a 6 month old who still gets up. It is quite ridiculous. Let me just say that having a baby who sleeps through the night is absolutely no indication of how successful of a parent you are. period. I try not to bring this up, as its touchy, but when people ask, i gotta answer. Here is a conversation I had with another mom. Her baby is 3 months OLDER than mine. This was when Lacey was 6 months and her daughter was 9 months old.
Her: How is Lacey sleeping at night?
Me: good, she goes down around 8 and is up around 6.
Her: Are you SERIOUS. My daughter doesn't even do that yet! She still gets up 3-4 times a night to nurse (they co-sleep).
Me: Yeah, its nice
Her: Oh wait, i forgot (no, you did not)....you use FORMULA. So that makes sense now.
I roll my eyes and think of all the breast fed babies that sleep through the night by 3 months....
I am sure that as Lacey grows more and more questions will get mixed in. Its inevitable. We all love to compete. I just kinda try to roll with the punches, and enjoy life. Whatever stage I am in!